I Wish I Could ‘Try Him On’ Before I Marry Him

The elders and marriage experts always advise us to marry our friends. “A marriage that is built on the foundation of friendship will stand the test of time.” “When you take away, passion, and butterflies in your stomach, friendship remains.” “When everything else is falling apart, your friendship will keep you grounded.” These are some of the statements I have heard them make. It sounds like a nice idea, doesn’t it?…..CONTINUE READING

I saw this whole “marry your friend” thing when my sister fell in love with her friend. Their love is so beautiful that I wanted a similar thing for myself. I wanted to be with someone who is above all else, my friend. My sister and her boyfriend had a beautiful wedding ceremony, and friends were invited to celebrate their love.

Most of the friends who were present at the wedding were people we met in tertiary school. One of which I used to talk to when we were in school. However, we lost touch after school. I had even forgotten about him until I met him at the wedding. He looked good. And he eyed me like a piece of meat as he said, “You’ve grown into a very beautiful woman since I last saw you. Give me your number and let’s catch up sometime.” It was interesting to reconnect with him and see him in a different light.

After the wedding, we started talking. I saw him and related to him in a way I didn’t use to do when we were in school. He is charming, kind, and amazing to be around. I like him, I am sure I do. So when he proposed to me, I said yes immediately. There was no need to take some time to think about it. He is after all, my friend, and I know him well enough.

The moment I accepted his proposal he asked, “What kind of wedding do you want? How soon can I bring my family to come and meet yours?” While I was flattered by his eagerness to marry me, I told him to slow down. “Hold on with the wedding arrangements for now. I want to talk to my family about us and hear their thoughts first.” He laughed at himself and made me understand that I could take as much time as I need to speak to my family.

My mum was over the moon to hear that Collins proposed to me. “Collins is a good man,” she said. I have met him, and I like him. I am a lucky mother to have another one of my daughters about to get married.” The rest of my family mirrored my mother’s happiness. As for my sister, she wouldn’t stop screaming, “You and Collins? I never saw it coming, but I am happy for you. You both deserve love, and it’s good you found it in each other.”

Just like Collins, my family wants the wedding to take place as soon as possible. I have been asked questions from all angles, “What are your wedding colours?” “What kind of ceremony will you have?” How many people do you want to invite?” Most importantly, I have been asked a question that twists my stomach in knots. The very important question is, “Where will you go for your honeymoon?”

This question worries me because the thought of our wedding night terrifies me. No, Collins and I haven’t had shuperu yet. I am a staunch Christian; therefore I have been saving myself for marriage. But now that it’s happening, everyone is happy, but I am not. It’s because I don’t feel any desire for my fiancé. I like him, but it is all in the spirit of friendship. I look at him and I don’t feel any sexual attraction to him.

As I mentioned earlier, he is good-looking. Although he is plus size, he is in good shape. I believe when I am with him I should be so overridden by desire that I would have to employ restraint to keep my hands off him. However, I do not feel anything at all. Being in the same room with him is similar to sharing the same space with a piece of wood. This is what concerns me. What if I find out after I marry him that we are not sexually compatible? Will our friendship be enough to sate my needs?

Honestly, I wish I could put my spirituality aside and have sex with him, just once, to see if it will ignite some desire or passion in me. I believe this will answer my questions and help me start the marriage preparations. But here lies the case where I don’t want to break my vow of chastity to God. What else can I do besides shuperu to know if this will work? I would hate to be stuck in a marriage that has no passion…..CONTINUE READING