So many things prevented me from having good sex when I was a young woman. First, there was the crushing shame I felt about my sexual fantasies. Then there were the ridiculous beauty standards I absorbed from the media and failed to live up to (as did all my friends). Third was the sexual shield I put up to protect myself from random catcalls and harassment in public. And in private, there was the long haul of pure exhaustion from raising sometimes difficult children, making a living and running a household, coupled with the growing resentment I felt for my husband, who rarely asked what I needed and often put his sexual needs first....CONTINUE READING
All of that — all of life as a woman — got in the way of me becoming the eager, responsive, joyful sexual being that I’m becoming today, at age 68. And the irony is, I got here by accident. I wasn’t seeking a sexual awakening when I opened our marriage a year and a half ago. I was seeking relief from my husband’s sexual needs.
Here’s what happened instead — or in addition — to assuaging his feelings of lack. About six months into our experiment with polyamory, while my husband was dating others and finding his groove, a man across the country, a reader of my open marriage stories on Medium, started texting me some sexy stuff that turned me on.
That was pretty much the perfect scenario for an old repressed woman like me. Since there was no way we could meet in person, due to the physical distance between us, there was no real threat to my marriage or my sexual status quo. It was easy to participate and cost me nothing. There was zero risk. So I sat back and marveled as this charming man wooed me. He complimented me. We exchanged racy pictures. I was nervous about that! But he kept up the pursuit.
He sent me super sexy voice memos in which he told me how much he desired me — in French! We followed up with video chats where clothing was removed and the compliments kept flowing. My libido exploded. It felt like I had an atomic bomb lodged in my nether regions. And since there was no way to consummate, I brought all that newfound sexual energy back to my husband, who was well pleased.
