I’ve always kept quiet, but I just can’t anymore… Auntie Abena, I am really going through a lot, and I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to make any rash decisions that could later affect my life in a negative way....CONTINUE READING
Ever since I was a child, things have never been easy for me. Yes, I have both a dad and a mom, but my mom sells second-hand clothes, specifically for females. Honestly, she barely makes any sales, and I can confidently say that sometimes she goes for a whole week without making any. As a result, it becomes difficult for her to provide for my needs. On the other hand, my dad does well financially, but he is very stingy.
Although he provides food and pays for school fees and other necessities, when it comes to paying school fees, he makes it a stressful experience. He deliberately waits until the last minute and sometimes even allows you to get dismissed from school before paying. And when he finally pays, it’s often not the full amount, even though he has the money to cover it. However, when it comes to my step-siblings, he treats them like royalty.
He ensures they have everything they need and more, including clothing, phones, laptops, and generous pocket money. But Auntie Abena, would you believe me if I told you that since junior high school, I haven’t had new clothes? Sometimes I can see the sadness in my mom’s eyes because she knows she can’t help, and when she tries to talk to my dad about providing for my basic needs, he gets angry and disrespects her. At times, he even threatens to physically harm her (although that doesn’t happen anymore because I am now grown and strong enough to prevent it).
Now, I am in the university studying IT (computer science), and Auntie, it’s not easy for me. My dad was fully aware of the course I intended to pursue but refused to provide the basic necessities like a laptop, a phone, and clothes. Before God and man, I have only one pair of jeans that I saved up to buy, two jersey shorts that I took from school during my senior high school days, and only three jersey tops that I also took from school back then. These clothes were dirty and left unused, but knowing I had no other options, I took them home, washed them, and have been wearing them ever since.
As a university student facing all these challenges, I often feel depressed and useless. Sometimes, I even contemplate ending things myself. What hurts me the most is that my step-sister just entered the university and was given new clothes, a new laptop, a new phone, and a hostel accommodation. Meanwhile, my dad plainly told me that I would have to commute daily and that he wouldn’t provide me with a hostel. I feel extremely self-conscious when I go to campus because my clothes look old, and the only footwear I have is a pair of bathroom slippers that I wear to school every day.
There came a point where I had enough and considered dropping out of school to find a job so that I could meet my basic needs and then return to my studies. This way, I thought I could focus better and understand everything I am being taught because I really want to become an IT professional. However, my dad threatened me, saying that if I made that decision, I would be on my own and would have to leave the house. I can’t risk it because I have nowhere else to go, and even if a friend offered to accommodate me, I wouldn’t want to burden them.
It hurts deeply because my dad is aware of the course I’m studying and knows the requirements it entails, yet he has made up his mind not to provide for me. However, God knows my heart, and even if my dad didn’t provide me with new clothes, if he could at least provide a good laptop and a phone, I would be content and give my best in my studies. I apologize for taking up your time with my story, but I had to express what I am going through because the one thing that keeps me from contemplating drastic actions is the thought of my mom. I can’t bear to imagine how devastated she would be if I were gone.
Thank you all for taking the time to read my message. Oh, and I forgot to mention, for those wondering how I am able to come online, I use my friend’s phone whenever I need to log in. Just in case anyone asks. Thank you.
ADVICE FROM AUNTY ABENA
Dear Anonymous,
I understand the pain and frustration you’re experiencing in your current situation. It’s disheartening to see your needs unmet while witnessing favoritism within your own family. I want you to know that you are not alone, and I appreciate you reaching out for advice.
First and foremost, I want to commend you for your strength and determination. Despite the challenges you face, you’ve managed to pursue your studies and strive for a better future. That resilience is something to be proud of.
Here are some suggestions to help you navigate this difficult situation:
1. Seek support: Reach out to counseling services provided by your university. They can offer guidance and support during tough times. Having someone to talk to about your emotions and challenges can make a significant difference.
2. Explore scholarships and financial aid: Investigate any scholarships, grants, or bursaries available for students in need. Many institutions provide assistance for students facing financial hardships. Speak with your university’s financial aid office to explore your options.
3. Connect with student support services: Universities often have support services dedicated to assisting students with various needs. These services might include academic advising, career counseling, and even support for basic necessities like clothing. Reach out to these services and explain your situation to see if they can offer any assistance.
4. Network and seek mentorship: Connect with professors, lecturers, or professionals in your field of study who might be willing to offer guidance or mentorship. They may be able to provide advice on how to navigate your academic journey and career aspirations. Building a supportive network can open doors to opportunities and resources.
5. Explore part-time work opportunities: Consider looking for part-time employment on or off-campus. This can help you generate some income to meet your basic needs and ease the burden on your mother. Look for jobs that are flexible and allow you to balance your work and studies effectively.
6. Utilize university resources: Take advantage of resources available at your university, such as computer labs, libraries, and study groups. Maximize your access to these facilities to ensure you have the necessary tools for your coursework.
7. Stay focused on your goals: Despite the hardships you face, don’t lose sight of your dreams and aspirations. Keep reminding yourself of why you chose your field of study and the bright future that awaits you. Use your challenging experiences as motivation to strive for success.
Remember, your current circumstances do not define your future. It may be difficult, but try to maintain a positive mindset and keep working towards your goals. By persevering through these obstacles, you will emerge stronger and more resilient.
Wishing you the strength and determination to overcome these challenges and create a better future for yourself. Remember, you are not alone, and there are resources available to support you along the way.
Take care of yourself and never hesitate to reach out when you need help.
Warm regards,
