I used to believe I couldn’t change the past. Like most people, there were moments locked in my body that seemed to define my sense of self. Ingrained at an age when I hadn’t yet developed the resilience to intelligently defend myself, these events imprinted fear on a part of me that felt helpless....CONTINUE READING
We’re always the child we were. That kid doesn’t go away. He tweaks nervously, an outer shell stretching and growing around him.
While the things you learn about the world may change, your opinion of yourself can stay stubbornly frozen in time. A broken puppy cowers at the sight of a rolled up newspaper — its body remembers the angry strikes from its best friend.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy), felt like going back in time for me, accessing traumatic memories, and changing the dynamics of the interactions — as well as my memories of and feelings about the incidents.
Other people may use somatic therapy to address stored physical trauma that has continued to plague them throughout adult life. For me, EMDR was like intense sparring — momentarily disconnecting my conscious mind from my body.
Quieting compulsive thought and fierce emotion, and calming or exhausting a restless body, gives me a type of out of body experience that allows me to observe and direct a past memory with the mental capacity of the adult I am today.
This provides both protection and guidance for my inner child, as past issues are addressed by a part of me that some might call Yetzor Havot, which was unavailable during the traumatic event.
The Jewish concept of the Yetzor Hara is the spirit in us that pulls us toward desire and sensual pleasure, while also being what gives us the vitality to thrive. The irresponsible, unbridled exuberance of the Yetzor Hara is in control of the for the first thirteen years, at which point the good intentioned, reasonable, responsible, and calculated Yetzor Hatov begins to steer one toward doing good, and to judge the destructive actions initiated by the Yeztzer Hara.
As a kid, I didn’t know why I felt the way I did — why my emotions were so extreme, and my anger was so explosive. I didn’t get why I could be the life of the…
