I need your advice. It’s about my fiancé. We are engaged and supposed to be getting married this Easter but there has been a very big betrayal that I don’t know how to heal past this. Truth is, this relationship is important to me cos it’s been almost two years of bliss while dating. One of the things we promised each other was that, we will make it no matter what the issue. We have a way of always talking things out, so we are honest with one another....CONTINUE READING
When we first dated, we agreed that there would be no *** until marriage
. It’s not been easy cos we both are passionate young people. So, there is heavy petting and cuddling but never that far to actually doing the real things. Last year, at work, I was transferred to a new department in the Law firm where I work. The HOD of my department is the nephew of the owner. He studied abroad, and was very intelligent and very handsome.
And this guy… let’s call him Ace, is a single guy. Girls go gaga for him but the guy is very focused. Every member of our department has learnt so much from Ace cos he is always teaching us to be better at the job. Last Christmas, we did Secret Santa and he chose me, he bought me an iPhone 14. I was so happy and I showed my fiancé, my fiancé told me to return the phone, that any single guy who gives a girl such an expensive gift must have intentions.
So I listened to my fiancé and tried to return the gift. But Ace refused to collect the gift, he advised me to hide the gift and later decide if I still wanted it. Honestly, I kept the gift in my wardrobe and forgot all about it. Only for last week, I was getting ready to go out with my man, let’s call him Dave…I was in the car when I realized that I had forgotten my jacket and instead of going back, Dave offered to get it for me cos he was like, he did not want me to waste more time going back.
After a few minutes, Dave comes back to the car and gives me my jacket. And he also dropped the iPhone that I hid in the wardrobe. He found it from where I hit it. I tried to explain that I hid it cos I wanted to sell it but Dave refused to listen or even believe me. That spoilt the mood for our outing. Throughout Dave refused to speak with me. I became upset and told him to take me home which he did without argument. So I got upset and told him its like he did not trust me cos he asked me if I had feelings for my boss or if I had slept with the boss.
These insinuations led to a hot argument and in the process, we both said some things in anger but I was not ready for what Dave said next; he said and I quote, that maybe we should stop all this pretence about no s3x before marriage because he does not trust me if I can go against his will to keep a phone he asked me to return. I tried to explain but he said he knows I like my boss cos he cannot understand how we dated for almost two years with no *** and I am fine with that.
To my surprise, I asked him how he too has kept himself without s3x and he said he has not been without ***, that he slept with someone six months after we started dating and that it did not happen again until last Christmas when my boss gave me an iPhone, that he was so jealous that he thought I was sleeping with my boss, so he cheated again. Dave said he is telling me the truth so I too can be honest with him. He said he did not want to get married next month if we both have secrets, then it’s not necessary to get married.
I was in shock for like several minutes. I then told him, that I swear on my future children’s lives, I have never cheated on anyone since we been together. Dave was stunned and he realized he had made a mistake; a mistake of
judging me and cheating on me
. He immediately tried to apologize but I told him to give me space to think. Since last week, Dave has begged for forgiveness every day but I can’t seem to shake off the fact that the same person I am planning to walk down the aisle with has cheated on me….
One of our mentors tried to intervene last Sunday but I still feel hurt and if am being honest, I am rethinking this marriage next month. Every arrangement has been made and payments made so I know it would cost a fortune to think of postponing or cancelling the wedding. Now, in annoyance, I opened the iPhone and am using it, Dave is mad but I don’t care. How are we equating that I collected a phone versus you sleeping with someone more than once in this committed relationship almost marriage?
I need your advice…how do we move on from here? Everyone is saying I should forgive cos it’s very hard for a man not to cheat but he loves me so much. And that the wedding is too close. I am even scared of thinking of cancelling the wedding cos I love Dave so much but the pain of his betrayal is not making it easy for me to move on. How do I even know he has stopped or will stop cheating? After all, he only confessed cos he thought I too was cheating.
I need your advise.
