Alex proposed to me in January. I had come out of a bitter break-up in December with a guy I had dated for two years. I told Alex to give me some time to heal. He asked what I was healing from, so I was forced to tell him about my ex and what he took me through....CONTINUE READING
That guy did me dirty for two years, but I couldn’t leave the relationship. I thought he was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was scared. I looked at the years invested in the relationship and forgave the emotional assault, gaslighting, cheating, and near-physical assaults.
When my friends advised me to leave, I told them, “There’s no greener pastures anywhere. You make your man today so you can enjoy him tomorrow.” I thought I was being wise, throwing philosophy around as if I was the daughter of Socrates.
He knew I couldn’t leave him, so he kept doing all the bad things I cried about. When he hurts me today and I forgive him, tomorrow will be worse. When he insults me today and I let it go, tomorrow’s insults will be enough to kill my soul. When he cheated and I forgave him, the next cheating was between him and my childhood friend.
So in December, I prayed to God and asked him to take this burden away from me. I even fasted because I didn’t understand why I could love someone who gave zero love and care back. I was even surprised at myself. When I didn’t give him a gift in December, he got offended and went out with a girl I’d always suspected he was cheating with. That was the last straw.
I chained myself to the wall so I didn’t have to run back to him again. I wanted to break the chain at some point. I missed him when I didn’t hear from him for a week. What was I missing?
I missed the way he insulted me. I missed the way he called me a fool without calling me a fool. I missed the way he made me understand that he wouldn’t like his daughter to end up like me. I missed how he treated me like trash so I wanted to go back to the trash bin.
God was good. He gave me the strength to endure until I found myself going back no more. I grew wings of courage so when he came back this time, looking desperate to have me back, I looked into his eyes and said no. I was free from him, the toxicity, and loveless dump I found myself in.
And then Alex came along with love that looked as shiny as the warrior’s blade. Even when I told him to give me time, he didn’t stay back. He came back to me every night, taking me to nice places and writing me beautiful messages to help my heart remember how it feels like to be loved. I loved him but I still needed to heal so I don’t bleed on him.
He understood me and left me alone while lurking in the shadows. My friend said, “You’re very toxic to yourself. If you could love your ex for two years, you can love anybody. See how this guy is doting on you. Don’t you see how he looks at you? Don’t you see how he yearns to touch you? Give him a chance.”
I decided to give him a chance and see how it goes. After all, my ex had taught me what I didn’t want in a man and I wore that lesson like an armor. “If he changes, I’ll leave.” “If I see a single trait of my ex in him, I will leave.”
“If he tries to throw his hand at me, I’ll leave.”
I’d had enough of love that went wrong. I needed the pure one. The one musicians sang about. The one they said it tasted like sugar.
I called him on Thursday evening and accepted his proposal. He was so elated that he came to my house and drove me out to town to celebrate it. He even bought me a souvenir and wrote a date on it. “I don’t want you to forget this date,” he said. “It’s the date we fell in love.”
Saturday evening we went out and got home very late. I was about to sleep when I saw his call. I smiled. “This guy is melting my heart the way the sun melts the shea butter. What is he going to say again? Didn’t we part ways just an hour ago?”
When he picked up the call he asked me, “I want to hear this from you, is Robert the ex you were talking about? The one you said you broke up with in December?”
I didn’t answer immediately. I didn’t know why the question, so I asked, “Where is this coming from, Alex? How did you know he’s Robert? Have you seen him somewhere?”
Yes, he had met Robert through a friend while on his way home and they talked. They didn’t talk about me. They talked about what guys usually talk about when they don’t know each other. After they parted ways, the friend texted him to tell him the guy he met was Robert and he was my ex. It was the reason he called that night.
I replied, “If you met him then yes he’s the one. He’s Robert but at this point in my life, I don’t want to have any memory of him.”
“Wow, so this is the guy you allowed to take you through all those troubles? He even cheated on you and you forgave him? This guy?”
I didn’t get it. I wanted to know where the conversation was going. I kept asking him, “What is the problem and why couldn’t you wait for us to talk about this when we meet tomorrow?”
He replied, “I’m deflated. All the pride in me is gone. So this guy is the reason you stretched me for over one month? What did you see in him? Wow! I’m sorry but let’s end this. If this guy is your ex then I’ve lost every feeling I had towards you. You two are not worth it. What! You allowed this guy to take you through all that? Sorry!”
Then the line went dead.
I couldn’t explain the feeling I was going through just as I couldn’t explain the import of his message. I called him again and again and again but he didn’t pick up. He sent a message; “Please let me rest. I’m shocked you can date someone like that. My friends are even laughing at me for dating his ex. Naaa, I can’t do this.”
It was like a bad dream that would come to an end at the crow of the rooster. Unfortunately, the rooster cried more than three times yet what was supposed to be a dream kept going on and on until it came to a point where I realized Alex was serious about breaking up with me.
He was disappointed in the kind of man I chose to give my heart to. According to him, my ex was a low grade of a man so seeing my ex made him realize I wasn’t as high class as he thought. Eiii, how can someone I left months ago be the reason I can’t be with another man?
The relationship ended. Back to square one. I was in a relationship on Thursday. So in love that I was on cloud nine. On Saturday, I was single. The shortest relationship I’ve ever been in. Apart from that, it’s also the craziest reason a man has given to leave me. So yesterday when I read about the girl who was left because she was able to open a car door, I laughed. I told myself, “I thought mine was the worst reason but this one takes the crown.”
