It took years for me to figure out what I am about to tell you. It was my first therapist in university who planted the seed of the ideas that keep me going. I believed how I felt and acted during mood swings I have had since childhood were permanent problems I could not change. That’s because I didn’t have any example for change in my home life. But change had come, hitting my family hard....CONTINUE READING
We discovered my invalid mother did not have a heart condition as her physician misdiagnosed. She was mentally ill. She was taken off all her medications at once. Shattered by the news, ashamed, she fell apart. This happened fifty years ago. I was already studying books on psychology before I was in high school. But then, I was studying them because I thought I was the “crazy” one, not her. I thought I was making her miserable. And my Dad angry.
I didn’t know I was reacting to what was already in the house before I was born: deep depression.
Before I continue, you should know:
When I write about mental issues it is from personal experience and thought on the topics. I am not an expert. Neither am I a patient. I am a student, always learning. I share what I have learned. I don’t always use the right terms for conditions. So I appreciate corrections. And I invite all comments.
I’m glad I left patient mode a long time ago. I wish I could have realized all this soon enough to help my mother. I couldn’t. But her life was my classroom.
I can’t tell you how much of my behavior in moods was learned from my mother at her bedside, or part of my own problems. I think a balance of both. Though I have had wide mood swings all my life, I have a natural tendency to return to balance, not get stuck at the far ends. I was inclined in early childhood to be a happy, active child with a lot of curiosity. I was probably too much of a handful for my mother. No — I know I was. She took to her bed by the time I was six. And, over the next few years, I learned to join her.
I also learned something odd about us. Mom was sick. I knew we should be good and take care of her. But Dad would get so angry. I don’t mean he abused her. He would vocally get angry with her. He never called her names that I…
