When I got the opportunity to travel to Australia to pursue higher education, I worried about what the long distance would do to our marriage. So I didn’t jump at it immediately. I spent a lot of time thinking about whether or not I should take the step. I was not sure which way to go until I shared the news with my husband. Unlike me, he was overjoyed....Read The Full Story Here ▶
He asked me, “This is your dream so why are you not excited? This is good for our future. Think about the life we can have if we move to Australia and start our lives. We will build a good life for our future children too.” His encouragement was all the fuel I needed to take that big leap of faith.
As I made preparations to make the big move, I knew it wasn’t about only me. It was about my husband’s dream for a better life too. So I gave it my all when I eventually left the shores of Ghana. However, reality seldom aligns with our expectations. While man is making plans, life is plotting its own path.
Barely three months into my stay abroad, I started hearing things—whispers on the streets of Ghana. I was miles across the ocean but the news got to me that my husband was seeing another woman in my absence. Hearing rumours about your husband’s infidelity is one thing, but seeing it for yourself is entirely different. And I was too far away to confirm what I was told, so I felt very confused.
The man I married was not the kind who would do all the things they told me he was doing, so I found it difficult to accept the reports I received. I asked him about it and he denied it vehemently. Of course, he did, what did I expect?
My parents insisted they were telling the truth, and that I should not allow him to join me abroad. However, I thought about everything that was at stake if I didn’t – the future that we dreamed of. So I went against their counsel and welcomed him into my new life. All I wanted was for us to be together again so that we could mend whatever the distance may have fractured in the marriage. “He just needs to be reminded of who we are to each other,” I thought as we started living together again as a couple.
My place was too small for the two of us so we had to get a bigger place. Signing a lease agreement in Australia was a stark departure from the ones we are known for in Ghana. It came with more expenses, but with optimism, we embarked on this new chapter together. We made a commitment to each other that we would share whatever costs and responsibilities this change brings.
But as time unfurled its tapestry, I realized that not much had changed between us. The distance that separated us when he was in Ghana did not close when we moved in together. If anything, the chasm widened. While I expected the openness we used to share, all I met was a wall every time I tried to get through to him.
I thought all he needed was a little time to adjust but time only made things worse. Without consulting me, he has enrolled in a university that is so far away from home. I am not going to lie, finding out that he chose a school that is more than 4,000 kilometers away from where we live is quite a blow. It’s not as if we’re short on options here in our district. Such schools are pretty easy to find nearby, so it’s hard to accept his decision. It feels like he is looking for an opportunity to go back to being in a long-distance marriage. The question is, why?
Not only is he trying to get away from me but he has closed off on me emotionally as well. But all this is not enough for him. He has gone ahead to detach himself financially from the marriage too. Whatever he earns from work, he keeps it to himself and for himself. He doesn’t care that his actions leave me to shoulder all our expenses.
We had agreed that as soon as he joined me we would start trying for a baby. Now, he treats the subject with indifference. His excuse is, “I want to go to school and establish myself in life first, before I start thinking about kids.” That wasn’t the plan, nonetheless, the only thing that matters to him currently is chasing his personal pursuits. Us as a couple and team have been relegated to the back bench.
As I sit here, grappling with the impending departure of my husband for his studies, I find myself adrift in a sea of uncertainties. His resolve to prioritize education over our marriage cuts deep, leaving me questioning the foundation upon which our love was built. With all this going on, I am starting to accept that truly, he was having an affair. Why else would he be so determined to take apart our marriage the way he is doing?
I spoke to our pastor to talk to him so he would change but my husband remains the same nonchalant soul. A part of me is wondering if I should honor my vows and accept him for who he has become, for better or worse, isn’t it? While another part of me says if I do, he will graduate to abandoning me in a foreign land. So it’s either I keep fighting for things to get better or I sit still and watch everything burn to the ground. What do I do?
